I am really struggling with my sense of belonging within the WLS community, I always have. Partly because I march to the beat of my own drum, partly because I have a different perspective on things as a care provider, and partly because I’ve always been the type to speak up if people are dead wrong, or bullying others.
Ideally it’s considered admirable to stick up for the underdog but in reality, it’s easy to make the person defending someone else look argumentative, aggressive, and obstinate. There have only been one or two instances in my life where this has really reared its head, but about a week ago I was reminded of this when some woman (who I might add, was old enough to know better) made some snarky comment about how she suspected Kirstie Alley was lying about her dress size. The first thing I thought about was how in the world anyone could claim to know this, the woman’s weight fluctuates on the extreme pretty often. My second thought was about how telling this really is about women, especially emotionally stunted women who have maybe been fat their whole lives and never developed a social etiquette outside of what was acceptable in their own safe group of women of similar circumstance.
We all moved on, I let it be known that this was something that, according to the rules of the group, seemed inappropriate and again, everyone moved on with their lives.
A few days later I unknowingly sinned against all mankind when I DARED to suggest within this group that some supplementation, even with cheaper or inadequate nutrition, was better than nothing. Never mind the fact that these people seem to think that all things depend on supplementation, when, in reality, everyone, WLS or otherwise, should be getting the bulk of their nutrition from food. Fancy high dollar tablets will not save you if you still do the same things you did that brought you to your high weights. I have never received so many nasty messages in my life.
I left the group, thinking I would rejoin a few hours later when things blew over so that people would not be able to send message me anymore but on no. I dared to challenge what all these harpies had to say and paid the price. I can no longer be a part of that group, which only makes me sad because it’s the largest as far as I know and most active one out there.
In a way I am glad I found this out while I am still preop though, because I have time to figure out other sources of support before I actually do the deed. I am just depressed with the state of women these days. Nasty, hateful, and cliquish.
Also I am sad because I no longer know how I should think about the lovely Melting Mama herself. I had had an interesting conversation with her the very day this happened about the neurological effects of RNY but I suppose that doesn’t really matter. It was a blow to me because she has been a realistic role model from day one, even way back when I had a lapband and now I feel personally rejected.
The subtitle of her page reads “advocacy and support” I guess its only advocacy of the “party line” so to speak, not the facts, and only support if you don’t dare rock the boat or let someone know when their logic is poor. After all, I never said that it was a good thing to take bad vitamins, only that it was BETTER THAN TAKING NOTHING AT ALL, and I stand by that, the real question is this; Bariatric Bad Girls, what the hell do YOU stand for?
hungertheory 
I’m sorry you had that experience in the group. You can’t knock an entire group per the actions of individual members. Unfortunately, I think you’ve also been fed misinformation from someone who’s sole purpose in the WLS community is to profit from their fellow post-ops’ vulnerabilities. Banded Wendy accosted Melting Mama in Vegas and was the sole reason why the BBGC money was refused from WLSFA. She is a drug addict and should not be seen as a leader in this community. Again, I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but that is not what the BBGC stands for and they will never ask for your money. Unfortunately, Wendy is now making her living by preying on post-ops. Please don’t be fooled, talk to Beth directly if you want to know the other side of the story and if you’re not happy with the way people acted toward other group members. Talk to some of the members of BBGC that were harassed by Wendy and accosted by her who didn’t even know her or who she is. All she wants to do is get your money. Her “certificate” from BSCI is just that, a piece of paper. It holds no weight in professional circles. She exploits her post-op success and degrades people when they do not attain the same level of success. I doubt she really listens to people too, because she’s so caught up in herself. It’s narcissistic megalomania at its finest.
Hey
I am trying to understand a little further this whole situation. How exactly was MM accosted? This is the first I’m hearing of this, I don’t delve too deep into the online WLS community because for the most part, it SEEMS to be a group of largely emotionally stunted, wounded people with a little too much time on their hands, and not enough intelligence to understand that there is more than one way to make this all work.
As for banded wendy, she contacted me recently to talk a little bit but nothing was really cleared up but she seemed nice enough. BUT… She always rubbed me the wrong way, I have been on YouTube since about late 2007 and have seen a lot of people (including her) come and go. But here is what I do think about her business… There is NOTHING wrong with capitalizing off of one’s personal area of expertise and I have zero problem with her trying to run a startup business surrounded around her own WLS success. I just never really cared for her personality or the way she comes off. She seems… Hard. I don’t know. I’m just also suspicious of MM as a mental health professional. Just my honest opinion.