I am really struggling with my sense of belonging within the WLS community, I always have. Partly because I march to the beat of my own drum, partly because I have a different perspective on things as a care provider, and partly because I’ve always been the type to speak up if people are dead wrong, or bullying others.
Ideally it’s considered admirable to stick up for the underdog but in reality, it’s easy to make the person defending someone else look argumentative, aggressive, and obstinate. There have only been one or two instances in my life where this has really reared its head, but about a week ago I was reminded of this when some woman (who I might add, was old enough to know better) made some snarky comment about how she suspected Kirstie Alley was lying about her dress size. The first thing I thought about was how in the world anyone could claim to know this, the woman’s weight fluctuates on the extreme pretty often. My second thought was about how telling this really is about women, especially emotionally stunted women who have maybe been fat their whole lives and never developed a social etiquette outside of what was acceptable in their own safe group of women of similar circumstance.
We all moved on, I let it be known that this was something that, according to the rules of the group, seemed inappropriate and again, everyone moved on with their lives.
A few days later I unknowingly sinned against all mankind when I DARED to suggest within this group that some supplementation, even with cheaper or inadequate nutrition, was better than nothing. Never mind the fact that these people seem to think that all things depend on supplementation, when, in reality, everyone, WLS or otherwise, should be getting the bulk of their nutrition from food. Fancy high dollar tablets will not save you if you still do the same things you did that brought you to your high weights. I have never received so many nasty messages in my life.
I left the group, thinking I would rejoin a few hours later when things blew over so that people would not be able to send message me anymore but on no. I dared to challenge what all these harpies had to say and paid the price. I can no longer be a part of that group, which only makes me sad because it’s the largest as far as I know and most active one out there.
In a way I am glad I found this out while I am still preop though, because I have time to figure out other sources of support before I actually do the deed. I am just depressed with the state of women these days. Nasty, hateful, and cliquish.
Also I am sad because I no longer know how I should think about the lovely Melting Mama herself. I had had an interesting conversation with her the very day this happened about the neurological effects of RNY but I suppose that doesn’t really matter. It was a blow to me because she has been a realistic role model from day one, even way back when I had a lapband and now I feel personally rejected.
The subtitle of her page reads “advocacy and support” I guess its only advocacy of the “party line” so to speak, not the facts, and only support if you don’t dare rock the boat or let someone know when their logic is poor. After all, I never said that it was a good thing to take bad vitamins, only that it was BETTER THAN TAKING NOTHING AT ALL, and I stand by that, the real question is this; Bariatric Bad Girls, what the hell do YOU stand for?